The Otter Pop Blog

Why is it that when I want to write I have no time? Maybe because it is the absence of the opportunity that makes me long for it. When I have time I choose not to write. I think I should just get in the habit of writing when I have time, whether or not I feel like it. Well, there is my short outburst for now. BACK TO STUDYING!! Maybe I’ll surprise you with a post a little later… or will I?

Happy Sunday, my friends. I’ve decided it’s time for another one of the posts. Mostly because there are a couple things I can’t get off my mind. Not bad things but I figure since the last thing I said to ya’ll was to let people know how you feel about them; it was about time to advertise this thought.

For quite some time now, I have known I need to tell my parents just how much I appreciate them. They are seriously the best parents EVER. You might THINK your parents are the best but take a back seat, Hun, because I have the real deal! One problem, how exactly do I go about this? I should definitely write a letter. But do I email this letter, hand write and send it, hand it directly to them all random like, take them out to dinner first, or something else? How about writing it, posting it for allllll the world to see, emailing it to them, handwriting it and framing it (so they have proof of my words one day), AND taking them out do dinner? How ‘bout THEM apples! Now some people might say it means more to say it in person and I agree. However, when talking with people, it is easy to be interrupted and/or distracted and I want all my thoughts and feelings to be put out there all at once!

Well, here goes:

“Dear Mommy Dearest and Datty,

First of all, I love you. Plain and simple. Not really. It is always easy to say the words but it is not always easy to mean it. But the love between a parent and their child is a natural thing. It kind of comes with the territory. Unfortunately, it has been my experience through some of my friends that this love can disappear or become conditional. I know that what we have is unconditional love. You have made it abundantly apparent that this is the case. I know it helps a lot knowing Kirstin and I have turned out fantastically (I do mean to brag!) but even if we hadn’t, I’m sure your love would not be any different. It is plain and simple with you.

I know we give you two a hard time sometimes, and for that I am truly sorry. However, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking in there with us, each and every day.  I appreciate it a lot because I imagine it can be hard sometimes.

I want to make sure I thank you for everything you do. So I think I will just start listing things I am thankful for:

1.       Thank you for being there for me. When I’m having a hard day I know I can always call you and have a friend to talk to and give me valuable advice.

2.       Thank you for keeping a place for me to come home to. I appreciate that you haven’t kicked me out permanently, pushed me into a guest bedroom, or turned my room into a workout room, craft room, or man cave… at least for now. It really means a lot to me.

3.       Thank you for supporting me. I wouldn’t be able to get through a lot of things without your constant support. I know if I did not have you there to talk some sense into me on almost a daily basis, I might have dropped out by now, or not even gotten to college in the first place!

4.       Thank you for being proud of me. Knowing someone will brag about me on a daily basis, sometimes to complete strangers, helps to keep me motivated to do my best and better. This is scholastically, personally, and socially. It helps me to make the right decisions from day to day.

5.       Thank you for raising me right! You have given me a set of morals and values to get me through life successfully, at least until I was mature enough to develop a set of my own. Well, I am here to say now that it hasn’t changed much! You’ve also provided me with cleanliness habits that I have taken with me and realized very few people have. Rest assured I practice them every day while I’m here on my own (even if my room at home doesn’t reflect it).

6.       Thank you for loving me (again). It is impossible to feel alone or unloved in this world when I have such wonderful parents such as yourselves. Some days, all I need is to know someone loves me, and every day I wake up knowing I have at least three people who do (you two and Kirstin)!

7.       Thank you for being excited to see me! It feels awesome to know I have people looking forward to seeing me all the time. I hope you know I’m always excited to see you as well!

8.       Thank you for college. This is such an awesome experience and I don’t know if I could do it without you, emotionally and financially. I have had so many unique opportunities I never would’ve gotten otherwise and I am so very thankful for it, and I’m happy I get to share every single one of them with you.

You, mom and dad, have given me so much to be thankful for, it is nearly impossible to list them all. But it is important for you to know I do appreciate you with all of my being. I will never stop being thankful for absolutely everything you do with me and for me.

I have expressed how important it is for me to feel loved by you; I know it is important for you as well. I know you know I love you so much but I also know it helps, sometimes, to hear the appreciation. So here you have it. I need you more than I need the air I breathe and I’m not afraid to shout it to the world. Even if I had nothing else, I have you and that is all I need.

I am so happy with my life, I would not trade it for the world. Thank you for helping me get there.

I have written this letter with none other intentions than simply letting you know how much I love and appreciate you. I can only hope that one day I can do for you even a fraction of what you’ve done for me. And I hope that one day in the very distant future I can do the same thing for my own child everything you’ve done for me.

Thank you for being the amazing parents you are.

Love,

Kimee”

Well, as it seems, I have not posted anything for quite some time now. I believe I had some things that were, uh, pretty hard to deal with going on at that time. Rest assured everything seems to have gotten back to “normal.” At least sane. Not that I have a lot of followers… probably due to my lack of consistency.

 I guess I should update those of you who do follow me considering I have had an insane and amazing eight months. Besides eliminating a person or two from my life that truly do not deserve to be a part of it, I have grown as a person. I can feel it. Have you ever gone through a time in your life and come out feeling noticeably different? It’s an oddly satisfying sensation. I am excited for what lies ahead of me.

In fact, that is lesson numero uno. Look ahead, not back. What is in the past will only keep me where I’ve been, and allow me to lose sight of where I’m going (which is pretty amazing… we will get there). Of course, I should keep in mind where I’ve been; for it is my mistakes that will make me successful in my present and future. Also, I can’t change the past. It’s done, over, it ain’t changing mah darlin’! But I can definitely use what I learned to create a better present for myself.

If that was too vague for you, then you’re in luck! I’ll provide some examples from now on.

NEXT! Losing happens. This was… is a hard one for me. This has so many contexts. Firstly, sometimes you don’t pick winners. I have picked a couple… not winners lately. Not losers, just not winners. They will be winners for some other lucky woman, just not for me. In case they end up reading this, here’s my note to them: You did not do anything wrong, you just aren’t what I’m looking for. My best gal, Katee, and I sat down and wrote a “list” one night, outlining my “must-haves” and “deal-breakers” when it comes to men. I’m pretty proud of it actually. Without it, I think I have gotten confused about when exactly to say “this person is not for me!” I’ll find someone seemingly great with some flaw somewhere, flaws that are now deal-breakers. Now, there are prerequisites for dating me! I never thought I’d be one of “those” girls. But it’s not made up of things like “must be 5’8” or “must have blue eyes and blonde hair.” No, these are deeper things that actually matter. But don’t be scared, whoever you are, they aren’t hard to meet.

Or so I thought. You know, it always seems so second nature, to me, to be a good, wholesome, clean, responsible person. I guess not. There are so many people out there who do bad things, big or small, and never think twice about it. Maybe I have an over active brain but I couldn’t even justify drinking before I turn 21. Doesn’t mean I can’t have a good time, I just don’t need alcohol or drugs to get me there. While were on this tangent, I’ve always believed it takes a special kind of person to be inconsiderate. Seriously though, do you really not notice the person trying desperately to get around your human blockade? Or how about simply being spatially aware? It’s pretty obvious when there are people waiting in line to checkout. Oh, but of course YOU get special treatment and don’t have to wait just like everyone else… go ahead my dear.

Now, back to my lesson about losing. I also have a hard time “losing” scholastically. Last semester I met my match with math. I got my first “D” grade ever. Yeah, yeah “big deal, I got bad grades all the time, no big deal.” I’ve heard it before, don’t you worry. But this is my standard, not yours (by “you” I mean “world”). I get “A”s, and “B”s if something was difficult and I work hard for it! But this class was terrible. I sacrificed anything resembling a social life and spent every waking moment studying for this class. I came out of that class with a “B” and I am proud. But that loss at the beginning of the semester kicked my butt and took a toll on me. Just look at my face and you’ll know! Fortunately, for my gpa and ego, I came out of this one on top.

Which brings me to my next lesson, where there’s a loser, there’s also a winner. Every loss gives me a new tool to use in this puzzle we call life; something to guide me in the right direction when I am provided with options. I’ve had several wins in the last few months. I just received a scholarship that has opened so many doors for me. I get to go to several conferences in the next few months and for the next three years. There is an internship I have recently applied for that would take place over summer. It calls for prospective math and science teachers to do research in one of thirteen labs in California. About four of the labs are NASA labs. My top choice is the jet propulsion laboratory in Southern California. One of my professors is 99.9% sure I will get it. Who knows? I can find out any day now!

You want more wins? You got it, dude! Remember that list thing I told you about? Well I’ve recently started to date someone. It is a very, very new relationship so it’s too soon to say too much about it but he fits the list exactly. He’s been doing everything right and he has been a perfect gentleman. I had never really “dated” a man before. It has always gone straight into a relationship very quickly. I’m enjoying this a lot. J Oh stop it, I’m blushing.

Have you ever liked someone so much it almost hurts? I have. But I would rather hurt because I miss someone who deserves it than because I’m with someone who doesn’t deserve me.

One of the must-haves my Katee took the liberty of putting on the list was “must cherish Kim.” I like it. But who is going to cherish me when I don’t cherish myself? It is something that has been new for me since last semester but it feels good. I am beginning to accept the fact that I’ve lost a ton of weight. I’ve always known I am a smart woman but as of lately I am not afraid to flaunt it! I spend more time on myself. Some people might call this conceited but think about it. Take makeup for example. People think putting on makeup is a waste of time and only for impressing people. I couldn’t disagree more! I know I am pretty (well, I’m taking people’s word for it) but I am taking the time on myself to highlight my features, not hide my flaws. When I do my makeup, you can usually still see my blemishes but my eyes look amazing! Plus, putting on makeup allows you to take a closer look at yourself and get to know you better. Often times I’ll glance at myself and say “stupid pimples! Stupid face! Why can’t my face be perfect?” But when I do my makeup I see smooth skin with beautiful color and facial symmetry. I see the blue eyes and the smile people stop me in the street to compliment me on. You start to love yourself. I don’t put on makeup to impress people. I put on makeup to impress myself.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on enough. I’ll try to be better about this whole blog thing. I have one last thought to leave you with. Let your feelings be known. You never know when it will be your last opportunity to share it. We had a faculty member who touched many people’s lives pass away last night and what I kept hearing people say is she didn’t even know how big of an impact she had. I wonder if anyone ever told her. I’ve had so many friends say they cared for someone a lot but the guy/girl has stopped dating them. I wonder if they ever expressed their feelings for each other. I know it can be scary to get those things out there but how is someone supposed to know if you don’t tell them? Honestly, if they get upset, scared, turned off, or angry because you expressed your feelings for the person, why do you want them in your life? I want someone in my life who is happy to hear I enjoy being with them, I’m grateful for the contributions they’ve made to my life, I miss them, or anything. The people who belong in your life are the people who will take that information and use it to form a smile on their face and have the balls to say how they feel for you too. Food for thought.